*Censor screeches in the door*.. Sorry I'm late, guys. The wisdom teeth are still throbbing and now I have succeeded in getting Isaac sick, so now he's got a raging ear infection, *ugh*. But nevertheless, I managed to eke out the column this week, complete with a request to all at the end.. so grab your favorite beverage, smoke 'em if you got 'em, and let's go!!

GRAVES-- Harmony PD. Give me a friggin' break! The guard goes on "break", leaving the resident Psycho (Gwen) alone with Sheridan? I don't care if Sheridan *is* her best friend. The show has gone to great lengths to show that Gwen has lost it, and considering that she is supposed to be under "suicide watch".. she shouldn't be left alone with a civilian. Also-- in WHAT friggin' universe would a victim go to the jail to see her attempted murderess??! This plotline served for nothing more than to see Liz once again convince herself that "she's winning" in her imaginary fight against Eve.. when the fact remains that "winners" take the ball and go home.. they don't hang around the supposed "losers." That's what makes them "winners." That said-- the guards are threatening to send Eve "to the hole?" Oh my lord. This is the Harmony jail, not Alcatraz. JER needs to quit watching "Murder in the First" and get back to writing the campy soap we all know and love.

LOLA (Laugh Out Loud Award)-- Rebecca. How funny was it when she pushed Gwen over like a sack of potatoes?? This was pretty funny. That said, what happened to Rebecca's belief that Gwen was being punished for Rebecca's attempt on Eve's life that backfired? Guess that's all gone now-- Rebecca's content to have Gwen in the loony bin, as long as she has all the Crane cash. You're going down, Rebecca-- your time is near. Maybe even sooner than we thought, considering you're a complete moron who loosened the straightjacket on Gwenzilla over there-- and now she's coming after you. Ahh-- wouldn't it *rule* if Gwen killed Rebecca. Now, there is a way for complete and utter redemption for Gwen. (Are you listening, JER?)

RAVES-- Passions is renewed. Aww yeah, baby. I'm so psyched. 'Nuff said.

GRAVES-- Martin. Just.spit.it.out. Oh my gosh-- we saw 3 1/2 days of Martin agreeing to tell Pilar the truth about what happened when KaMart left. I thought they already told the truth? There's more? Meaning we get another rewrite??! Just stop trying to legitimize this loser, JER. There is absolutely no hope of saving Martin! None at all. The man walked out on his wife and 5 kids. Now, if he had run and tried to send money home to his wife and kids and Alistair intercepted the money, leading Pilar to believe that Martin never cared-- then I understand. But that didn't happen. And speaking of money-- where did Martin get money to give to Pilar in the divorce settlement? Martin mentioned that there would be some money involved to help. As if Pilar would take Katherine's money. Gimme a friggin' break. Why couldn't that plaque have stuck in his head and killed him?

GROSS OUT MOMENT OF THE YEAR-- Martin and Pilar kiss. *Censor gargles mouthwash.* Do not do this, JER. Do not have Pilar fall back into love with Martin. She deserves more and there is *nothing* that Martin could do that would ever justify walking out on his family. NOTHING.

GRAVES-- Whitney. She's confiding to Katherine? Gimme a break. Yet another unbelievable plotline. If Whitney was gonna confide to anyone-- it would be Theresa. Yet-- Whitney only revealed her secret to Theresa while T was in a coma. Leading me to believe that baby-girl-no-name *is* Fox's baby and not Ethan's. This would make perfect sense as to why Whitney isn't spilling the whole truth to Theresa. Because when it breaks that Whitney's a lying skanky witch and that she tried to pin a baby on Fox, and Theresa is about to lose custody of baby-girl-no-name to Ethan and Gwen, Theresa is gonna turn the tables. Just my little take. Having Whitney even remotely consider confessing to Katherine is *another* missed boat. Way to muck it up, JER.