What a busy week in Harmony! I find myself struggling to even write the commentary this week, because there is just SO MUCH—I may have to change the format a little, but for now—let’s just get to this week and ALL the wonderfully salacious things going on in our favorite made-up town.

We are “treated” to more affirmations between Chad and Whitney. They spend time this week, making love and making plans for their future. Whitney will be singing at the Founder’s Day Dance (herein known as the FDD) and they talk about how they need the money, and that nothing will ever tear them apart. Which, as we all know, pretty much means that something WILL tear them apart. Famous last words for a soap opera, ya know??

Kay asks Miguel to the FDD with the tickets that she won from the Cannery. Miguel agrees to go with her. Charity summons up the courage to ask him to go with her, but realizes that it is too late when she sees their celebration. Charity is later working on her designs when Miguel sits down to look at them. Charity and Miguel decide they could go into business together. Yeah, with Miguel’s whole semester of business classes—but of course—it will work, because this is Passions. Miguel tells Charity that he likes one dress in particular, and that she should wear it to the FDD to advertise their new business. They realize that they work well together, while both secretly wishing it could be more.

Kay fumes at the news that they will be working together. She had formerly wished Charity luck in her fashion dreams, because Kay believed that would take her away from Harmony—but now she realizes that she has to BRING Charity down. She later makes some “alterations” to Charity’s designs and vows to Tabby to bring Charity down. Especially after she has a daydream of what her life would be like if Charity and Miguel were to reunite. Her dream entails her own daughter, Maria and Miguel “looking down on her” because she smells and works in the cannery. Miguel tells Kay that Charity and Miguel are better suited to raise Maria, since they can give her what Kay can’t. This was honestly, really sad to watch. I am personally happy to see Miguel and Charity leaving. This whole storyline is so boring—and to see it reduced to Miguel somehow having a “financial superiority complex” over Kay is ridiculous. Love her, or hate her.. Kay LOVES her daughter. And this “we have the money” so “we should have the kid” storyline is PLAYED way too much on this show.. and I am sick of it.

Ivy and Sam discuss the FDD. Sam says he doesn’t have the money to buy Ivy one of the fancy dresses that she is used to wearing. But Ivy FINALLY realizes that all the money in the world isn’t worth it.. if she can’t have Sam. Ivy says she will make do, and they both promise that this dance is going to be a wonderful time for both of them.

Sam visits Luis and tells him that his proof had better be “rock solid”, because this is their only chance to take the Cranes down. Sam later visits Julian and Alistair and takes their passports away. Alistair tries to goad Sam into an altercation by insulting Sam’s manhood by mentioning that Grace left him for a man who could show her the world. He talks about how she is making love to David in the most romantic parts of the world. Sam almost falls for it, but instead—thinks better of it, collects the passports and tells Alistair he is going to love watching him go down. Sam later gets a call from Grace while at Hank’s apartment. They both can’t say what they really want to, and they hang up having solved nothing. Sam tells Hank that Grace is his past. She chose David and now Sam realizes that his future is with Ivy. He is moving on. I am actually happy about this too, I never liked Sam and Grace’s BORING marriage. Grace had NOTHING going for her—except the cookie cutter image of what a wife “should be”.. and that was just NOT good television.

Julian visits Alistair at work and tells him that the walls are closing in on them. (Did anyone notice just HOW HAPPY Julian is at his father’s demise.. this is classic) Alistair later calls his pilot and hands him one of his “extra” passports and makes plans to leave the country. The pilot wants to make plans for Julian as well, but Alistair says that won’t be necessary. “Someone” has to be around to take the fall, and we learn that this will be Julian.

Luis meets with Julian, to warn him that the evidence on the CD’s incriminates him and that Julian will more than likely be going to prison. Julian says he can accept that, but that the best part is that he will be able to find out where his son is, and that he will be able to protect his lady love. I am really beginning to hate Julian. While I have always appreciated his change from EVIL to GOOD.. this is just going way too far, and is becoming so BORING. Julian is willing to sacrifice everything and continue to be led along on a string by Eve.. all in the name of LOVE. I would take evil Julian back for a little bit—just to see that old FIRE.

Sheridan goes to visit Luis, to tell him that she and Antonio are leaving Harmony and moving back to St. Lisa’s. She begs him not to follow them, and allow them to live their lives. Luis shows Sheridan proof that her father and brother were behind the boat explosion in Bermuda. Sheridan is understandably shocked and destroyed by the new information, and runs out of Hank’s apartment, demanding to be left alone. Sheridan returns to the cottage, where she tells Antonio everything that just happened. (such a good little wife, too bad Antonio is throwing you off the truth, even though he clearly knows that the Cranes are evil, why else did he leave years ago.. and why won’t they revisit that?? It is the only true potential for a storyline for Antonio.) Antonio accuses Luis of lying and tells Sheridan that Luis is just desperate to have her back and that he would say anything to get her back.

Sheridan tells Antonio that she wants him to see Luis’s proof for himself. So they wait for him. Antonio refuses to believe what he sees on the CDs, and once again—he and Luis get into another fight over Sheridan and the “truth”. Unfortunately for us—this is all another dream, and Sheridan wakes up from this dream and tells Antonio she has to go to her father’s office and find out the truth.

She walks in on Alistair and Julian discussing the botched boating explosion and appears to have all the proof she needs. OF COURSE NOT—this is Passions. Sheridan is angry because her office has been given to someone else. Alistair says he is building her a new office. Sheridan confronts Alistair and Julian with the truth about the boat explosion. Alistair fumes and accuses Luis of trying to get Sheridan to turn against everyone who “loves her”. This is such BULL, and wasted screen time. What did Sheridan think was going to happen? That Alistair and Julian would say, “Hey—yeah, we tried to kill you.. but you just won’t freakin’ die!! Here, have a cup of coffee with us?” Alistair explains it away by saying he had all that info because of the investigation into her death. BLAH BLAH BLECH.

Sheridan runs into Luis again at the Seascape. She tells him that Alistair explained why that info was on the CDs. Sheridan is still upset, and Luis comforts her. Of course, this is when Antonio walks in—and we are “treated” to another fight between these two stupid brothers. Antonio wants him to stay away from his “waaf”. BLAH. Luis begs Sheridan to not leave for St. Lisa’s until she sees all the proof from the CDs. Luis says that if after she sees all of it, she still wants to go to St. Lisa’s—he will not stand in her way. Antonio drags Sheridan out of the Seascape.

Eve tells Pilar that she is close to getting her son back, thanks to the info Luis will decode on the CDs. But she is also saddened to realize that the same information will send Julian to prison. She realizes that she does love Julian, but maintains that her first loyalty is to her marriage. She loves TC and has been faithful to him. Which I gotta disagree with. Not even for the fact that she is constantly mugging down with Julian—but because she has cheated on TC where it is most important. In her heart. Kisses and embraces can be forgotten—but Eve loves Julian where her marriage to TC is most in danger—in her heart. And in my mind—that is more an example of cheating than a one night stand.

Eve later meets up with Julian, and sees his “plan” to protect her when the news of their relationship breaks. He has written a letter of confession, that he raped her and that is how she turned up pregnant. That she has only been spending time with him to get information on her lost son. Eve refuses to let Julian take the fall for decisions that she made on her own. (This whole scene, while sappy—was nice to see.. FINALLY seeing Eve come to the realization that she did everything of her own volition—and that Julian is not the guilty party.) They discuss their decisions in the past, and they begin kissing. She takes him back to their office where they can be alone.. and we see them frantically clawing at each other’s clothes. FINALLY!! Although—while I adore Ben Masters—I think he is a little old to be showing the naked chest, I had no idea he was so frail.. it is amazing what thick suits will do for a man’s frame, wouldn’t you agree?

Liz makes her triumphant return, and Eve smacks her and orders her out of her house and Harmony. Eve and TC agree that Liz should sell the Blue Note and return to St. Lisa’s. Later, TC’s knee starts acting up and he falls off a ladder and is visited by the ghost of his father. His father demands vengeance and TC says that he will do it. He tells Liz that he is going to take care of Julian once and for all.. Liz follows him as TC opens a mysterious door. I am gonna guess that it is his shed—seeing as spoilers tell us that we will find out what is in the shed on Monday—and I hear it is gonna be a HUGE letdown.

And onto the fun part of the week.

Theresa is sure the implantation has taken, and now Rebecca and Gwen will not try to do anything to harm her, because she is carrying their grandchild/child. Little does she know that while she is celebrating her victory against the Hotchwitches—Gwen is guilting Ethan into filing papers to force Theresa to have an abortion. Gwen is concerned Theresa could harm the baby by doing drugs, or drinking, etc. As freakin if—the worst you could hope for is a woman who wouldn’t harm your child because Theresa cannot afford for anything to go wrong with Ethan and Gwen’s child—because then she will not get Little Ethan back. Ethan is confident Theresa would take care of herself, and Gwen mentions the suicide attempt with Little Ethan. Ethan reminds Gwen that she will essentially be killing their second child if she goes through with this. Man, I wished the end of that diatribe would have been, “You already let your war with Theresa kill our first child.. now you want to take our second..” but hey—I’m not a writer.. what do I know?? Gwen, who refuses to listen to reason, threatens to get another lawyer if Ethan will not do her bidding.. so, for the sake of his rapidly failing marriage—Ethan serves Theresa with the papers.

Ethan and Gwen arrive at the courthouse, and Ethan, Gwen, Fox and Theresa face off, respectively toward each other on who’s lower.. Gwen—for wanting the abortion, or Theresa for stealing the eggs. Theresa maintains that she had no other choice, this is the only way she could get her son back. Everyone learns that there will be a new judge residing over the case. Judge Ellis and not Judge Reilly. Gwen is worried because Ellis doesn’t know Theresa’s “past. When, in actuality—she is worried because Reilly, and not Ellis, is in the Crane pockets. A point which Rebecca drives home upon her arrival to the courthouse.

In one of the more ridiculous points of the week—Theresa cross-examines Ethan. This was complete bull—and while it allowed for a supposed dramatic confrontation between the two.. it would never fly in a courtroom. Nobody cares about what Ethan has done, how he has changed. But it was interesting to see Ethan tell Theresa, in front of Gwen—that he had planned to give her son back all along. If I were the judge—this would set off warning bells. It shows that Ethan never believed that she was truly a bad mother—and that they did not adopt little Ethan for his “welfare”.. it makes Ethan look just as guilty as Gwen using a child as a “pawn.” Theresa tells Ethan that his plan carries no weight, since Gwen and Rebecca told her that they would never return her son. Ethan asks Gwen if that is true (as if they have not already fought about this a million times) and Gwen, true to psycho form—yells, “I will never give little Ethan back to you!!”

Gwen shows what she is truly worried about—not that Theresa might not take good care of herself while she is pregnant.. but that she is scared that this pregnancy would make Theresa try to “land” Ethan again. Really, writers—listen up.. Give Gwen some semblance of backbone—this is CRAZY. They close their cases and the judge leaves to deliberate and returns to make his ruling.

Rebecca finds Pilar passed out in the bathroom.. she “whispers” for help, then traipses THROUGH the pool of blood and gets busted by the security guard. He accuses her of trying to kill Pilar. The judge’s decision is held up as everyone checks on Pilar. Ethan finds her in the blood and she confesses that she is sick, but begs him not to tell her family. Ethan agrees, and they return to the courtroom. For those who wondered why Theresa was not allowed to see Pilar at first—but Ethan was.. I can offer up two guesses. Number one being—since Theresa is family—she could trample some evidence that might be necessary to find out who “hurt” Pilar and Ethan is an officer of the court, and Number two—to show that Ethan will always be close to the Lopez-Fitzgerald family—no matter how much they all hurt each other. Pilar clears Rebecca of any wrong doing—DARN!! Couldn’t you LIE just once, Pilar?!? They all return to hear the judge’s ruling, and the judge rules for Theresa. Gwen loses it and attacks Theresa. She is choking the life out of her, and does not stop, even when the judge asks her to stop. She says that she will kill Theresa. The judge points out that this whole case may be for naught, as the in vitro process is not infallible, and the truth is—Theresa is more than likely not pregnant. Gwen SHOULD take comfort in this, and acts as though she does—but she just CAN’T shut up about Theresa, all the way home and back to the Manse.

Theresa is worried about what the judge said.. and Fox comes up with a plan that he thinks could get Little Ethan back tonight. Theresa and Fox traipse into the manse, all smiles, as Theresa produces a positive pregnancy test and demands her son be returned, NOW!!

Best part of the week—Can’t really choose one. I am loving that everyone is getting really equal time in their storylines—I love the Ethan/Gwen/Theresa/Fox saga—but it is nice to see the writers really developing a lot of stories—hopefully they will keep it up.

Worst part of the week—Any scene involving TC. I hate TC. He is so boring!! Whining about his hurt knee to his dead father is just ridiculous. We all know the story—and because I have read the spoilers for next week—the play out of this 5 year storyline is RIDICULOUS and so short-sighted. UGH.

And now—for my RANT OF THE WEEK—Product placement. I am all for the show getting some advertising money—but give me a break.. The Beautiful Brunette Shampoo (or whatever it was) got more screen time than Simone, John, Beth, Mrs. Wallace, Precious, Baby Martin, Little Ethan, Jessica and David COMBINED. This is insane—what’s next—Miguel buying “Business for Dummies” with the yellow cover at the bookstore? Beth picking up the secret blend for the Book Café at Starbucks? Alistair picking up some Trump Ice water before he skips town? Eve and Julian breaking out the Trojans before they consummate their long, undying love? Give me a break. The placement is ridiculous. And a sad commentary that a show that has SO much potential, has to resort to such ridiculous statements. A better use of the placement would have been Kay talking about how her new shampoo made her hair glisten, even after swimming in fish guts. Rather than just giving us a close-up, but never having the people on the show mention the actual products. At least with the MARK! stuff, Jessica was working at selling it—at least that was SOMETHING.

Til next week,
Censor

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